Ive changed my mind.
Lily, Im lost, said Daisy, slumped over the kitchen table at their parents house, cradling her cheek in her hand, poking at cold roast potatoes with a fork. I didnt get enough points. Just three measly points off the mark for a place on the funded course.
Lily put her phone down and looked at her sister. There were ten years between themsometimes it felt like a whole chasm. Daisy was eighteen, her whole life ahead of her, but she looked as if the weight of the world had already crushed her.
Have you thought about the paid option? asked Lily gently.
Its nine thousand a year, Daisy replied with a bitter little smile. Where am I supposed to find that kind of money? Mum and Dad barely make ends meet as it is, you know that.
Lily did know. Their father worked at the local factory, their mum was a nurse at the health centre. All in, their household didnt scrape together much more than two grand a month, which was considered alright in their little town.
I wanted this so much, Lil, Daisy said, nudging the plate away. Been dreaming of it since I was fifteen. I slaved away for my A-levels, barely slept some nights. And nowjust three points, and its all over.
She wasnt cryingit might have been easier if she was. Instead, she just sat there with this blank expression, and Lily felt something twist uncomfortably inside her.
Dais, Lily said, moving closer, give me a month. Ill try to sort something out.
Daisy shook her head, worn down. Eighteen grand for two yearsits impossible, Lil.
Just give me a month.
Daisy stared at her for a while, then shrugged. Of course she didnt believe her. Who would?
A month later, Lily turned up at her parents again, carrying a heavy, bulging envelope in her bag.
Whats this? Mum asked, wiping her hands on her apron, eyebrows raised.
Eighteen grand, said Lily, putting the envelope on the table. Enough for two years. I cashed in all my savings.
There was a stunned silence. Dad slowly lowered his newspaper. Daisy hovered in the doorway, frozen.
Lily, you were saving up for a deposit, Mum said, her voice shaking. For years.
Ill manage again, Lily tried to smile, though her heart trembled. But Daisy needs this now. Dreams dont wait, Mum.
Daisy flew at her and hugged so hard Lily thought she might pop a rib.
Youre mad! Daisy mumbled into her shoulder. Completely mad, Lily. Ill pay you back, I swear, every penny, youll see
Give it a go first, Lily ruffled her hair like she used to when they were kids. You can pay me back when youre rich.
Dad put a heavy hand on Lilys shoulder. Didnt say a wordjust squeezed. And somehow, that meant more than anything he couldve said.
Shell be starting uni in the autumn, Mum kept staring at the envelope, as if it might vanish. Our Daisys going to uni this autumn.
Lily left after night had set. She glanced up at the windows of her parents flatwarm yellow light glowed and she caught a glimpse of Daisy waving behind the curtain.
Inside, it felt both warm and hollow. Years of scrimping and scraping, her long-held hope for a little flat of her ownall left behind in an envelope on the kitchen table. But Daisy would go to university. Her little sister would have her chance. Somehow, right now, that seemed more important.
Summer dragged by thick and slow, like golden syrup. Lily would call Daisy once a week, sometimes morejust to check in, find out how things were going, whether shed been enrolled, if the prospect of university life was daunting.
All good, Lil. Im in, Daisys voice sounded upbeat but distracted. Listen, can I ring you back later? Bit busy right now.
Dais, hang on, I wanted to ask
Later, Lil, sorry, got to dash!
The line clicked off. Lily stared at her dark screen and gave a little smirk. Typical freshers life: new mates, new worries, barely time to chat with your sister. Shed been exactly the same once.
By September the calls got even shorter. Daisy replied in monosyllables, always rushing somewhere, glancing off uni questions with vague answersYeah, fine, Lectures are just lectures, Tutors are strict but alright. Lily brushed it off as first-year nerves. She remembered what it was like herself.
October arrived, bringing lashing rain and early dusks. Lily sat at home with a cup of tea, idly scrolling through her feed. Her finger hovered over Daisys pageshed not peeked in a while, and suddenly she just wanted to see how her little sister was getting along.
The first photo made her stop dead.
Daisy was sat in a posh restaurant. Not a student canteen, not a high street caféan actual fancy spot with white tablecloths and glinting wine glasses. She wore a sleek silk blousedefinitely not from any cheap shopand in her hand sparkled a shiny brand-new iPhone, the latest model. Lily wouldve had to hand over half her last pay cheque for that phone.
She scrolled down. Another photoDaisy in a nightclub, wearing a dress with an open back. Daisy again, grinning in front of a flashy car. Daisy in a spa with her mates, champagne in hand. Daisy, Daisy, Daisybeaming, decked out in brands.
Her tea had long grown cold. Lily kept scrolling, a heavy pit spreading in her chest. Where on earth had a first-year student found the money for all this? A student loan? Not likely. A side job? She doubted it, not with that busy social calendar.
The next day Lily found herself back in her parents kitchen, the same place shed handed over that envelope six months ago. Mum was bustling around the cooker; Dad was watching telly in the lounge.
Mum, Lily tried to stay calm, although anger bubbled beneath the words, I need to ask about Daisy.
Whats wrong?
Wheres she getting the money from? I saw her photosdinners out, new clothes, that phone. How does she manage all that and university? Does she even go to lectures?
Mum froze, spatula held mid-air.
Mum?
Silence. An awful, dragging silence. Mum slowly turned the stove off, sat down, eyes downcast and guilty.
Lily, she finally sighed, Daisy isnt at uni anymore…
Just then the front door banged and the sound of shopping bags rustling filled the hallway.
Daisy bounced into the kitchen, pink-cheeked and glowing, arms full of bags from fancy shops. She caught sight of Lily, stumbled for half a second, then broke into a big smile.
Oh, Lily! Didnt know you were coming! If Id known I
Youre not at university, Lily cut her off.
The smile died on Daisys face. She placed the bags on the floor, slow and careful.
Mum, you told her? Daisy snapped.
What, was I meant to keep lying? Lily stood up from her chair. You fed me stories about lectures, about coursework. All the while youve been flitting round restaurants and boutiques.
Daisy crossed her arms and jutted her chin out.
I changed my mind.
What?
I changed my mind, Lily. My dreams different now. I dont want five years of slogging through books. I want to live well. Like this. Restaurants, mates, proper clothesnot those hand-me-downs I wore the whole way through school.
Lily stared in disbelief. Was this truly her sister? That same girl whod cried over three exam points, studied all night long?
Daisy, Lily said, voice trembling, that was my money. Years and years I saved for a home of my own. And youwhat? You blew it all on clothes and eating out?
I spent it on living! Daisy shot back. A proper life!
Fine. Then give it back.
Daisy hesitated, looking towards the doorway just as Dad came in.
Lily, Dad said, clearing his throat, its gone. Nothing to give back.
Eighteen grand, Lily said, each syllable hard and bitter, on parties and shopping. Thats what it meant to you?
You just dont get it! Daisy stomped her foot. Youre happy living boringsquirrelling away money for some pokey flat for years! I want a life full of colour! Im eighteen! I want to actually enjoy things, not
Lily stepped right up to her. Daisy was taller, but under her older sisters gaze, she seemed to shrink.
Well then, enjoy yourself, Lily said, meeting her eyes. Because thats the last splash of colour youll get from me. Not a single penny more. Want nice things? Earn them yourself.
A flicker of fear crossed Daisys face. Her lips trembled, but Lily was already walking awaypast Dad, past Mum rooted by the sink.
Outside, the drizzle stung her cheeks as she walked to the car. She thought how foolish shed been back in spring. She shouldve said it straight outif you want to study, go earn it, save for it. But shed fallen for the tears, the sad eyes.
Lesson learned. Shed sort herself outlike she always had. And from now on, if anyone wanted a dream, they could get there the hard way just as she did.
