The Not-So-Perfect Date
They strolled along the pavement in no particular rush, beneath the tall iron lampposts with their curly tops, lighting up the street in yellow-cream puddles. Despite the February chill, the pools of lamplight made the snowy evening feel surprisingly warmfestive, even, though Christmas had long since disappeared in the rear-view mirror and spring was peeking through. A tram whipped by, sending a spray of sparks from its metal arms, and Ellen watched, entranced, at the tiny, brilliant red sparks vanishing instantly into the black London sky.
Ben led her along, arm-in-arm, as usual not especially chatty. Not that it matteredthey understood each other with half a glance. Twenty years together, after all: two wonderful kids, a sturdy marriage, and a mutual affection solid enough to outlast a thousand words.
Ellen and her husband rarely wandered out like this on a weekday evening, meeting after work. Tonight though, Ben had, quite out of the blue, called and asked her out on a date.
A what now? Ellen had chuckled. Youre asking me on a date? Ben, honestly… Im not even dressed for this. I dont have time to dash home and change!
Come on, El! hed rumbled, that gravelly voice of his still causing her insides to turn to jellymore so when heard over the phone. Don’t talk rubbish! As you are, you look perfect. Six oclock, by the South Kensington tube, yeah?
She agreed, whispering that she loved him.
Love! Still, even now. Maybe not with the hot flushes of passion that used to leave her tingling, but with the same depth. They didnt need all that drama anymore, the burning eyes, the vows and the tears. That was then. Now it was about the calm certainty of knowing the right person stood beside you. Just your person. That was enough.
Outside the station, a gang of students in jester hats were amusing the crowdone slim, quirky girl with painted-on freckles was collecting coins in a battered tin.
Ben, standing by a pillar and scanning the tide of people, at first waved the girl off, but after rummaging in his pocket, fished up a crisp twenty and handed it over.
Cheers! The girl grinned, her freckles crinkling.
Looks just like Hannah, Ben thought. All that innocence, coaxing the last bit of life out of us old fogeys.
He absolutely doted on his daughter. Chris, the older one, sometimes got miffedmaybe even jealousbut Ben couldnt help it.
And you, Mum spoils! Hannah would tease her brother. Chrissie, love, theres scones! Try this juice, Chrissie! Give us a kiss, Chrissie, for goodness sake And Chris would pull faces, wave his arms, and stomp away.
Ben glanced at his watch again. At last, Ellen emerged from the crowd, adjusting her beanie and tugging on her favourite soft-grey, hand-knitted gloves.
Hello! Ben waved, squeezing through the jumble of commuters who bumped and jostled as per rush-hour custom.
Evening, Ellen went up on tiptoes to kiss his cold cheek. Sorry, absolute chaos at the department. Inspection tomorrow, and a whole modules worth of paperwork has vanished. Turns out Lilysecretaryspilt tea everywhere and hid it, too mortified to tell anyone.
Ben nodded, muttered a few encouraging exclamations, and clicked his tongue in sympathy.
And how was your day? she finally asked, adjusting the bag sagging off her shoulder. All good?
Come on, whats ever not good, El! Usual business. Give us the bag.
Ellen was never seen without her giant tote bag, hauling home books, journals, endless sheaves of marked exams.
Youve loaded this with bricks again, Ben huffed, grumbling as he hefted her bag. Works for work, El! And when will you?
It was a rhetorical question. She sighed and leaned into him a bit more.
The rest of the walk slipped by mostly in silence, watching the shop windows dressed in fairy lights, snowmen made by local kids on the green, and the crows picking at crumpled sandwich wrappers.
On a bench nearby, an artist had set up a makeshift gallery of small, bright acrylic paintingsseascapes mostlythat glittered against the white. Ellen eyed a miniature: seashells, a sandy shore, a golden sunset.
Thirty pounds, but for you, sweet, a tenner, the artist murmured from behind a scarf.
Ellen glanced at Ben for approval. He nodded. They were outmight as well make the most of it; besides, he hadnt bought her flowers today.
Painting acquired and nestled in her gigantic bag, they pressed on. Suddenly Ben nodded at the glowing doorway of a cosy little restaurant tucked into the ground floor of a Victorian townhouse. Fancy going in? You said you wanted a night out. Besides, its past supper timeIm starving.
Ellen shrugged. Why not? Feels like years since we ate anywhere nice.
Exactly.
Ben took her arm, helped her carefully up the icy steps, and gallantly swung open the door.
They were greeted by a polite young man with an apologetic smile, who whisked away their coats and crooned, Welcome! Lovely to see you. Youve picked one of the best spots in Chelsea, if I may say. Youre in for a treat!
His hands shook, and his voice wobbled. He clearly wanted to impress the mysterious figure in the corneran imposing man, all jowls and sweat, forever dabbing his brow with a linen napkin. That, unmistakably, was The Boss. Success tonight and the lad might still be allowed to hang up strangers coats and nod them into the dining room. Failure, and hed be out faster than a pint at last call.
Adam? Ellen murmured, finally recognising the boys face. Whatever are you doing here?
Adam was her student, bright as a button and not entirely tethered to the same reality as the rest of his cohortthe sort whod very likely win a Nobel for microbiology, but would almost certainly need reminding to wear matching socks for the acceptance speech. Hed worn her out at the faculty with questions, queries, relentless curiosity. And yet, here he wasin a restaurant that smelled of boiled cabbage and roast beef.
Adam blushed, looked at his shoes, and shoved their coat tokens into their hands.
Did you, er, book at all? he stammered, then whispered, Dr. Bennett, dont worry, Im not going to stop working hardI just need the money, me and Mum
She nodded and winked reassuringly; Adam looked ready to expire from embarrassment.
Yeah, I called, Ben interjected. Made the booking under Bennett.
The Boss coughed ominously from his dimly-lit throne. Adam dropped the menus, scrabbled round retrieving them, and after confirming table for two, yes? led them through to a table decked with unlit candles beneath mock-medieval armour lining the wallsvery upmarket tavern meets Dragons Den.
Charming little place, this, Ben observed. What dyou reckon, El?
Ellen eyed her student with misgiving, but Adam quickly ducked out, leaving them to sit down beneath a shield, two golden lions squaring off in eternal silent mid-roar.
Ben handed her a chair, Ellen sat, pulling off her cardigan and fiddling with her hair. Shed had it chopped and lightened only yesterday. Hannah had been thrilled. Chris, characteristically, didnt notice a thing. Bens reaction had been a noncommittal gruntundecided, most likelyleaving Ellen herself uncertain she hadnt made a monumental mistake in parting with her usually below-the-shoulder hair. Braiding, buns, ponytails: none of it thrilled her much anymore, and besidesaunt Judith always said, Simples best as you get on, lovey. Plaits are for schoolgirls. A grown woman needs a signature cut.
Aunty Judith at sixty-five sported a boyish crop; Ellen had settled for a longer, angled bobjust womanly enough.
She glanced at Ben, engrossed in the menu, and smiled.
Ben she said softly. Glad we did this, I really am.
Hm? Oh, yes, great. Wonder how long their roast takes. Or shall we just nip home and throw in some fish fingersjob done! he joked, pulling a face.
No waywell get served in a tick, Ellen replied, flagging down the waiter and putting in their order.
And a whisky, please, Ben piped up, only to drop the salt shaker in his haste.
And one for me! Ellen laughed, glancing around. Her husband, it seemed, had spotted someone and gone a bit pink about the ears. Who, though?
The waiter departed, and Ben clumsily started up a conversation about Hannahher studies, her fencing class, whether Chriss late-night library sessions were really all coursework; the usual parenting bluster about Ellen letting them get away with murder.
She just placed her hand on his and smiled gently, Whats up?
He shrugged, as if to say, dont be daftbut then, from behind Ellen, an unmistakably shrill voice piped up:
Will you look who it is! What a blast from the past! Ooh, I didnt recognise you at first, Ellenyouve really filled out. Hormones, yeah? No need to answer. Times not exactly all our friend, eh?
A lean, tanned woman plopped herself into their booth, herself kitted out in sleek boots, short dress, face caked with expensive makeup, ears weighed down with gaudy earrings and every finger glittering with rings.
Fiona? Ben blurted, jumping to his feet for no reason, then flopping down again. Is it really you?
Course it is, darling. Got it in one. I look after myself, you knowno overindulging, eat clean, workout. Ill give you my nutritionists number, though… well, with your salaries, lovelies, probably a bit dear for you!
Lovely to see you, too, Fiona, Ellen replied evenly, her expression freezing from relaxed warmth to that granite-lipped, frosty gaze that Ben knew all too well. On your own tonight, then? How odd.
Fiona gave a tinkling laugh, flicked a riotous copper curl over her bare shoulder, and twirled it around a manicured finger. Oh, I own the place, darling, me and my other half, obviously. Sometimes I like to mingle, watch the guests. Ben, you havent changed a bit! Still got those sad eyes, though Men often do, dont they? Well, dont just sit therewaiter! She flicked her wrist, muttered an order, and beamed. Goodness, what a delight to bump into you two. Ben, lovely Benyou must tell me, how many years has it been? Ten? More?
She made a show of brushing Bens arm, even his cheek, and Ellen barely contained a theatrical sigh at the familiar spectacle. Classic Fionaever the limpet, draping herself over men like a cat.
Theyd been at secondary school together. Fiona had sauntered into their lives in year eleven, all army-brat confidence and air of coming from somewhere far better. The girlsEllen includedwore the same charity-shop uniforms, never flirted, never put on airs. Fiona, on the other hand: a magnet for all the attention, making it plain she was open to whatever mischief the boys had in mind, stirring the pot and batting her lashes with abandon.
Except Ben, inexplicably, had shown no interest whatsoever. It shocked Fiona. Shed scowled, gossiped about Ben being clueless and incapable of appreciating real beauty, content instead with plain old Ellen Nichols.
Dont think for one moment its all rosy, Fiona once hissed at a blushing Ellen at prom. If I decide to take him, I will, and you know it.
Back then, Ellen couldnt stand up for herself, and even now she was hopelessly soft. But Ben had stayed with her; Fiona, rumour had it, disappeared to live somewhere abroad
Longer than that, Ben mumbled. Twenty… years, nearly.
The waiter arrived with two frosted shots of gin and a tray of starters, and Fiona immediately chased him off with a brisk Not now, darling!
Time flies she said. So, hows life? Children?
Yes, weve got two. Our sons the eldest, our daughters the youngestgrand pair, both of them, Ellen replied. Fiona, we were hoping to just have a quiet one tonight, you know… alone.
Kids, right? Ah yes, I rememberyou were expecting last time. I ran into you in the British Museum, I think? I was leading a group, you were paddling about with paperwork. Research role, wasnt it? No, dont answer, sounds frightfully tedious. And really, pregnancy doesnt suit most people. You looked positively queasy. So, two kids… Ben, Ellen still slumming it at the college, then? Still mucking about with plants?
Bit confused, Fiona… tells me you skipped your A-levels, Ellen folded her hands neatly. Its microbiology. Never mind, thoughdont trouble yourself. Ben, should we go home? I promised to hem Hannahs dress
Oh dont rush off! Fiona seized their hands theatrically. You must try the food. New chefabsolutely superb, I promise. You wont get this at home, Ellen, trust me. And you dont have time, Im right, arent I? Come on, lets have a toast! She poured out the gin generously. To our happy reunion! Oh, Im beside myself, you cant imagine the boredom managing this place! She grabbed Bens hand. He withdrew. How longs it been? Ben, remember those éclairs in Brighton? You bought me the best. We sat by the pier, people passing by, both covered in cream, laughing…
Ellen raised an eyebrow. Ben vigorously shook his head.
Fionas smile barely waveredclearly shed started drinking a good half-hour before they arrived and had hit that blissful, unsteady plateau. Still, the meeting was too good to ruin.
Cant say I recall, Ben replied. Dont remember ever being in Brighton with you.
Oh, its the memory, dear! Fiona shrugged, winking at Ellen. Your Bens a real dark horse, bet hes never told you a thing, has he? Well let me
Fiona, really, dont, Ben said, fussing with the tablecloth. Why dont you tell us about your own lot? Family? Children?
Darling Ben, Fiona affected a little gasp, What children! I wont ruin my figure for anyone! Kids wreck everythingbody, teeth, sanity. Im quite happy as I am. My husbands got restaurantsthis one was a little present for me. Dont know what Im doing, but things tick over. Speaking of hopeless casesthat boy up front, Adam, is it? Useless, absolute plank.
Ellen snorted quietly. Adam was many things, but a plank was not one of them.
What, he wasnt drawn to your faded charms? she quipped, making Fiona smirk.
Ill never fade, Ellen dear. But you really should do something about yourself. That haircut doesnt suit your face, makes your head look tiny and your body enormous. Ill put you onto my stylist as well. And that suitwhere do you even buy these things? She gave Ellen a once-over. Your students must call you the blue stocking, surely!
Fiona, come on, a bit kinder, perhaps! Ben cut in, but Fiona batted it away.
Oh, forgive me, really! Just the winter blues. Ohhere comes the main course.
She twirled her hair, waited until the server left, and then laid her hand on Bens shoulder. Try thisfood of the gods! Ill just step out for a second, she purred.
Dont hurryor well choke! Ben replied dryly.
Ellen sighed. Ben, shall we? She smiled. We could just go home. Ill do steaks, a bottle of reditd be better, wouldnt it?
Ben was about to reply when Hannah rang.
Dad? Are you both at a restaurant? Oh… Can I come? The pool closed early, Kats at home sick, Im starving! If I dont eat something soon, I might die! Wait for me? Ill be there in a flash!
Ben sighed. We were just leaving, actually
Whats happened? Ellen asked, suddenly suspicious.
Nothing, Hannah just wants to come join us and demolish the dessert trolley. He grinned. Do you think Fionas chef serves grilled elephant?
Oh… never mind, lets wait. Cant starve a child, can we?
Honestly, who got me into planning romantic dates? grumbled Ben, dropping his fork. Of all the restaurants, I had to pick this one. I pictured a walk, a nice meal, maybe… Well. Never mind. All for nothing.
For Fiona, Ellen smirked.
What?
All for Fiona. Its fine, really. Hannahs comingshell liven things up, Ellen assured him.
She genuinely appreciated that Ben had tried for her; tried to give them a moment. Hed never been the grand-gesture type, preferring Sunday roasts to bouquets, or muddy shoes on the Downs to candlelit declarations. Perhaps those rare efforts meant more for that very reason. She remembered every flower hed given her, every theatre trip, every picnic on their old tartan rug. Homebird Ben, always happier with his family than surrounded by noise and crowds, was hers alone.
She snapped out of her reverie as Ben muttered, Just popping outwont be long.
She nodded. Dont take ages.
No sooner had he vanished than Fiona dropped herself into his chair with a sigh. Warm seatlovely! Ellen, I simply must finish my éclair story.
Fiona, really. Truly, spare me, Ellen replied serenely, though her hands trembled.
You need to hear it! It was Brightonwe met by total chance, I was in a daring little swimsuit, bought it in Paris, imagine! Fionas eyes sparkled with mischief.
Oh, Paris? Im more of an Italy girl myself; finer taste, Ellen shrugged.
Rightbut anyway! Fiona forged on. He spotted me on the beach. We had cakes, wine, fruit, thenwell, you get the gist. I told you, Bens never stopped loving me. While you were waddling pregnant at homehe was with me! Palms, sunsets, dancinghear that? With me! Enough with the napkin, Ellen! He was magnificent. I meanyou cant even imagine how he is when hes with a real woman. He eventually went back to youwell, he is a gentleman. Couldnt leave you, knocked up and helpless, butoh, Brighton was magical, darling. Got it? Tell her, Bentell her I was better!
She practically draped herself around Ben as he returned. He peeled Fiona off his neck, turned away.
For a fleeting moment, Ellen smiledFionas flaring nostrils and puffed cheeks made her look exactly like the neighbours bulldog. Amusing… though the laughter died as Fiona landed her blow. The happy, solid ground of Ellens world disappearedsuddenly she was balancing on a plank between a painful past and a bleak future. Oddly, no tears cameshock is often too dry for weeping. Should blink, reallymy eyes sting, she thought numbly, fiddling with her ill-conceived haircut. The body, too wide for chic swimsuits, slumped under a thousand invisible pounds. Her feet, smart but sensible, looked suddenly clunky, and she imagined herself a frumpy old woman in a hopeless hat.
So thats that, Ellen thought wearily. But at that very moment someone squeezed her shoulder, wrapped arms around her neck, and peppered her cheek with kisses.
Hannah! Her whirlwind of a daughter had arrived.
Mum! Mum, youre on a date, arent you? Dad? Is it a date-night? Im not interrupting, am I? The place is gorgeous! Mum? Hello?Oh, and Chris is coming too, dont get cross! Hes starving!
Hannah kept up a constant stream, giggling, shoving Fiona deeper into the shadows, and helping herself to breadsticks. Then, with a wave, Chris appeared at the table, with Adam trailing behind him, looking about as welcome as a cold caller.
Turns out, Fiona had just sacked Adam on the spot for letting absolute riffraff into her restaurant. He slunk out, shoulders drooping, defeated.
Ellen, finally pulled out of her daze by Hannah’s enthusiastic chatter, smiled, stroked Chriss hand, and, catching sight of Fiona, rose to her feet.
Bens always been honest with me about that trip, she said lightly. We dont keep secrets. Everyone slips up sometimes. He mostly remembers you snoring like a foghorn, though. You should see an ENT specialist, darling! Hannah, ChrisIm just so glad youre both here.
Fiona gaped, uncertain, but Ellen had already turned her full attention elsewhere.
Mum, whos that strange woman? whispered Hannah. She nearly ran when I turned up.
Oh, her? She owns the restaurant. Just wasnt ready for a proper party, I suppose, Ellen winked.
Ben perched awkwardly at the edge of his chair. He couldnt look at her; she knew now, shed leave him. It had been ages ago, a drunk mistake, nothing at all If Ellen left, he couldnt bear it
Meanwhile, their kids demolished the food, traded jokes, and generally provided the best background laughter two tired parents could want.
Ellen closed her eyes, opened them, looked at her odd, wonderful family, and knew with complete certainty: she loved every last one of them, Ben included.
Hed seen her at her best and at her absolute nadirfrom hospital bed to kitchen disco. Hed held her through sadnesses shed never told a soul about, rebuilt their home every time life shook it loose, waited at the door every night as if hed missed her for a century. Was it guilt that drove him? Maybe. He could have left a thousand times, but he never had.
Trust, after all that? she wondered. Maybe its not about faith so much as knowing hes still here, and who else would want him now anyway?
She sipped her wine, caught Bens eyesso mournful, like next doors basset houndand considered her options. She could divorce him, split the house, throw a fit; but what would be the point? Like shutting the stable door after the horse had bolted. Really, who else would want him but her?
…In the meantime, Fiona peered from behind the curtain at the laughing Bennett clan. They were annoyingly, disgustingly… happy. Ellen and Ben were having a laugh with the kids, Hannah raised a glass in a ridiculous toast, Chris mocked, Ben paid the bill. Ellen bundled into her coat with Bens help.
Fiona darted towards them, but was cut off by a bloaty, sinister cough.
Fiona! Wheres my dinner? rang out the bosss voice. How long?!
She forced a smile and hurried into the kitchen, piled up the plates, and set them before her husbandher genuinely rich, joyless, entirely practical husband.
Smile, love! Lifes easy for you, whats the matter? he barked, loud enough for the whole kitchen to wince.
I want children, Fiona whispered at last, staring at her plate.
Children?! At your age? he roared with laughter. Dont be daft. Just pour my tea and stop fidgeting.
She did as she was told. At least shed be flying off to Nice soon, to spend, spend, spend his money, twirling her hair and flashing perfect teeth at the mirrors. No need to put up with childrens sticky hands, or washing anyones shirts, or muddling along on a university salary. Much better this way. Ben couldnt even splash out on more than a meal for his familywhat a loser!
Stop snivelling. Smile, thats what smart women do. Dance for me! bellowed her husband.
So Fiona danced. Happy, in her own little way.
Meanwhile, along a snowy London street wandered Ben and Ellen, arms wound tight around each other, with Chris and Hannah dashing ahead, flinging snowballs and cackling. They swept up Adam into their chaos; at the sight of Ellen, Adam perked up at last. Maybe hed end up on her research team after all. He wouldnt be so choosy from now on.
Will you forgive me? Ben asked, finally daring.
Dont know what youre on about, Ellen shrugged. Lifes about who sticks it out together, right?
Ben nodded, tucked her bag onto his shoulder, and turned her in for a proper kissa real one, the sort you might expect at the end of a real date.
Thank you, El, he murmured. For us. For being genuine. There really isnt anyone better than you.
Ellen smiled. Its good to be the best, even when youre nowhere near perfect. Every womans a goddess to someoneeven, it turns out, to the one who knows her flaws inside and out.
And the past? Well, thats miles away now, washed out with a hundred London rains, lost somewhere on a Brighton promenade. It might as well have never happened.
