She Couldnt Hold Back
Claire Davids voice was flat, so cool and serious that a shiver of unease slipped down Claires spine. We need to talk. Seriously. Right now. Please, sit at the table.
Claire gripped the heavy cast iron pan shed been about to washnearly dropped it, in fact. Deciding not to test her luck, she set it down in the sink, wiped her hands briskly on a tea towel, and turnedsurprised, but wary.
It wasnt that she was startled by the prospect of a serious discussion with David. Oddly, what unsettled her most was that hed called her Clairenot Clairy, not Love, not even Pumpkin as he so often did. Just Claire. Thank God he didnt go with Claire Margaret, her full name. That would have felt like turning up at the head office for a disciplinary, or a grilling at the local council.
Instinct told her this kind of formality rarely meant good news. People only sound like this when they want to draw a line beneath things.
If David genuinely wanted to put a stop to everything, this could very well be their last conversation.
Alright. Lets talk, Claire sighed heavily, pulling out a chair and lowering herself onto it, fixing him with a steady stare.
*****
The serious talk David had initiated turned out to be the usual self-pitying drivel. He rambled about how their marriage had flatlined, that it was time to separate, that he would be packing his bags today and moving in with
With Emily, you mean? Claire cut in, lips curling.
He stared at her, mid-shuffle of suit jackets. Emily Yes. How did you? Did she tell you?
Of course not. EmilyClaires childhood best friendhad never found the nerve to say a word about this, certainly not to Claires face.
But thered been plenty of hints. Co-workers had already noticed David out and about with some woman who matched Emilys description. Claire had tried not to judge: after all, Emily and David went way back. They were mates from primary school, destined to overlap from time to time.
Why worry? Claire had thought, whenever people nudged her about David and Emily being spotted together at the retail park, the coffee shop, even the Saturday market. Yeah, so they bumped into each other, big deal. She herself had sent David out for veggies that day he was seen with Emilyhe could hardly say no to her famous Sunday roast.
Gradually, though, Claire herself had picked up on the subtle changes. David had grown cold, distant. Gone were the hugs, the quick kisses, even the idle chatter. Her attempts at conversation met with weary Yeah or Mhmm.
Most unnerving of all, neither David nor Emily ever mentioned their repeated outings. Claire pretended to suspect nothing, holding out for actual evidenceshe wasnt going to launch accusations on hearsay.
But now, David had confessed. Or rather, hed laid out the facts, matter-of-fact.
If shed been the sort for dramatics, shed have exploded right thena best friend running off with her husband? No shortage of reasons to cause a scene. But what was the use? It was over. Clearly, decisions had been made.
There would be hours for crying later. Now was the moment to keep her head up.
Mum had always told her to be tough. Well, thenshed be strong. Shed show David she wasnt all that bothered by him leaving.
A surge of bitter laughter almost bubbled up. How many times had she suffered through his ridiculous jealousy? All those petty argumentsjust because she was late home, chatted to an old man on the bus, or walked to Tesco at the same time as the ten-year-old kid from next door. Childish suspicions, pointless drama.
Of course, it hurt that David never really trusted her. But it stung even more that, in the end, he was the one sneaking around with Emily. If I ever find out youre seeing someone she remembered him threatening.
And yet, here they were.
At that moment, she caught herself gripping the thought of lashing out. The pan in the sink seemed to beckon her, asking to be used on him. But she stopped herselfnot for fear of landing in court, but because Buddy was in the room. Buddya French Bulldog; their dog, the birthday gift from David to her.
She wouldnt scare him. Buddy was sat there, brow furrowed, clearly sensing something bizarre was going on.
So, Claire just leaned against the wall, arms folded, watching David pack.
Whats this, youre not even a little upset? David tried a smirk as he zipped his bag. Have the feelings gone cold, then?
Oh, dont flatter yourself, Claire replied, forcing herself to sound indifferent. Youve been off with me for ages. I could see this coming. One thing does puzzle me, though.
And whats that? Why I chose her and not you? Obvious, isnt it? Youve not managed to give me a child, not in five years. I want a son. Emily can give me that, you cant.
Right. Especially as shes already got two sons by other blokes. Doesnt that bother you?
No, not at all. Theres no such thing as other peoples kids. And by the way, Jack and Harry are good lads. They took to me immediately.
I see. Well, Im pleased for you. But my question was, how does it feel to be a traitor? Does it keep you up at night?
David chuckled, slinging his coat over his shoulder. Wheres the betrayal? I told you everything myself. I was honest.
Honestsure, Claire thought bitterly, turning away so he wouldnt see her tears.
David left, taking his things and the iron hed given her for Mothers Day last year, a new vacuum, and the tableware his own mum had bought them for their wedding.
But worst of all, he took Buddytheir Buddy, Claires dearest companion.
Shed had faith David would leave the dog behind. Never liked that iron anyway, but why take Buddy? He was a birthday present, meant for her. There was no sense in dragging the dog into a new household, especially since Emily couldnt abide animalseveryone knew it.
Emilys history with pets was disastrous. Street cats hissed at her, dogs barked even louder if she shouted back. Shed once got bitten by a classroom hamster after pestering the thing during break.
Emily and pets was clearly a lost causeand David knew this as well as Claire did.
So, witnessing David snapping the lead onto Buddys collar, hauling the protesting dog down the hall, Claire finally lost control. Clenching her fists, she yelled:
David! Stop! You can take whatever you like, but Buddy stays. Thats my dog. You gave him to me!
He scoffed. In your dreams. I paid for him out of my own pocket, saved for three months. And unlike you, Ive got all his papers. Buddys mine, Claire. Dont guilt trip me.
Its not about guilt. Just leave Buddy here! You barely even walk him these days!
Its none of your business what I do anymore, he snapped, shoving Buddy through the front door. If you give me any more grief, Ill take the bed too. And the wardrobe.
Standing in the doorway, Claire wept as she watched David drag a struggling Buddy down the stairs. Not lead him, but physically drag him, callous as ever. Buddy whined, barked, fought against the leadhis desperate gaze fixed on her, heartbroken, as if pleading for help.
But all the paperwork was in Davids name. Claire was powerless.
She heard Buddys barks echo through the stairwell as David bundled him into the car. Then the engine roared, and they were gone.
Claire remained outside long after, drying her eyes in the cold evening airnot because her husband had left her for her closest friend, not because of his cruel accusations, but becausebecause now, she might never see Buddy again.
*****
A month passed.
Colleagues, friends, neighbourseveryone did their best to comfort Claire. Even her boss, Mr. Thompson, usually a strict and unsmiling man, found gentle words for her at the office:
Dont worry, Claire, love. Time heals all wounds. Soon enough youll forget that traitor and lifell get back on track. Youll find someone elsea proper man. Kids, too. Even another dog, if you fancy. If you want, I can sort you a little break at the seaside. What do you say? Freshen up for a bit?
Thank you, Mr. Thompson, Claire said quietly. But Ill stick to work. It keeps my mind off things.
Alright, no pressure. Still, Claire, try not to dwell too much. I always say, everything happens for a reason. Just as well you never did have children with himthink how complicated things could have been if you had. Once a traitor, always a traitor, and not just in relationships. Its in the blood.
Truth was, Claire rarely thought about David anymore. Only the business with the solicitor, for their official divorce, briefly brought him to mind. What she really cared about, though, was Buddy.
How is he? she asked David outside the Registry Office after signing the papers. Will you let me see him? Hes my dog, too.
Sorry, Claire, but Emily isnt comfortable with you coming round. No surprises, eh? One can never be too careful these days. Who knows what you might have in mind, wanting to see the dog? Might be planning to win me back or something. Best to move on, get yourself a new dog. By the way, be quick about selling the flat, will you? I need the money. Things are tight now, what with the new family.
Painful as it was, the two-bedroom flat had to be sold; it was bought with money from both their parents, and splitting the proceeds was the only fair way.
In the end, Claire handled the sale, gave David his share in pounds, and thenshe was alone and at a crossroads. She could buy a small place here, but she had no desire to bump into those traitors ever again. Moving back to Mums village wasnt an option eithernothing there for her in terms of work or ambition.
And still, through every sleepless night, her thoughts strayed to Buddy. How was he? Was he safe, cared for?
A month later, one evening after work, scrolling absentmindedly through a local community group online, Claires heart stopped. A post: Has anyone lost this French Bulldog seen wandering near the garage on the ring road? The attached photos were unmistakable.
Her Buddy.
Within minutes, shed replied to the post, called a taxi, and was racing towards the garage. Buddy wasnt therestaff said hed been shooed off earlier. It was nearly dark, but Claire refused to give up.
Her gut guided her through the side streets until, finally, she spotted himcurled miserably on the pavement near the bus stop, dirty, thin, but unmistakably her boy.
Buddy! Buddy, sweetheart! she cried, lungs burning.
The dog lifted his head, uncertain for a split-secondthen, suddenly recognising his owner, he bounded to her, little legs flailing, tail wagging as if nothing in the world could keep them apart.
The taxi driver refused to let the muddy Buddy inside, but Claire didnt care. She carried Buddy home in her arms all the way, clutching him as though he were treasurewhich, to her, he was.
As soon as they were home, Claire washed and fed her dog, then rang Daviddemanding to know why Buddy was abandoned.
How do you know? David answered, taken aback. He he just ran off.
Did he? Or did you make sure of it?
He ran off. About two weeks ago.
And you didnt look for him?
I didnt have the time! Whats your problem? You wanted me to leave you the dogso now hes all yours.
Claire hung up, already knowing the truth. Buddy hadnt run off. David, or perhaps Emily, had simply left him at the edge of town. Betrayed, again.
Her boss had been right: traitors never change. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
At least fate had brought Buddy back to her before something truly terrible happened.
Its alright now, Buddy, lovey, she whispered, burying her face in his soft fur. Well be alright. I swear, Ill never let anyone take you from me again. Promise.
Resolute, Claire decided to leave town.
When Mr. Thompson found out, he pulled her aside. Turned out he had a friend with a business in Manchestersame role, same salary, maybe even better prospects if she did well.
Shed barely dared hope for such fortune. The very next day, her train ticket booked, suitcases packed, she was ready to say goodbye to her old life.
That evening, for one last time, Claire took a walk through the city centre shed called home for the last five years.
And who should come striding along the high street but David and Emily, side by side. Not hand in hand, not arm in arm, justtogether. They hadn’t expected to see her, and neither she nor they had ever faced each other like thisher alone, them as a couple.
Her heart slammed against her ribs. Her hands trembled. For a moment, she felt like doubling back. But then, straightening her spine, she walked on.
As they drew level, a whirlwind of old memories and unanswered questions crashed through Claires mind. It was horrible to see them togetherbut she stood her ground, eyes locked on theirs.
And theyDavid and Emilycouldnt meet her gaze. Their faces went pale, mouths downturned, guilt radiating from both as they caught sight of Buddy trotting at Claires side.
As they passed, Claire couldnt stop herselfshe spat, right at Emilys face.
A split second later, she spat again, fiercer than the first.
The first was for herself. The secondfor Buddy.
David lurched towards Emily, trying to shield her, but was too late. Rage rose on his face as though he wanted to tear Claire apart. Sensing danger, Buddy put himself in front of his owner and let out a savage growlthe kind that would make even a Rottweiler proud.
Despite his little size, Buddy was all teeth and courage; David stumbled backwards, clearly startled. Perhaps now he realised Buddys loyalty had always lain with Claire.
She tightened the lead and swept on, saying nothing, Buddy by her side. Glancing sideways, she saw Emily dabbing her face, and DavidDavid standing aside, looking as though hed rather be anywhere else.
That was the last she ever saw of them.
A new life began elsewhere. A real city, a proper job, and each evening, long walks with Buddy through green, lamp-lit parks.
It was on one such walk that Claire met someone elsea good manand for the first time in years, she allowed herself to hope.
Months later, word reached herthrough old school friendsthat Emily had given birth to a third child, a boy, and David, beset by sleepless nights and empty pockets, had simply bolted.
You cant build happiness on someone elses misery, Claire thought, not vindictively, but as a fact.
And, if she was being honest, shed long since forgiven both David and Emily. But she could still see the imageEmily, red-faced and spluttering on the high street.
And frankly, Claire felt no shame.
Emily had earned it.
