Midlife Crisis
Alex frowned disapprovingly at his wife, who was bustling around the kitchen.
What else am I supposed to do? Did I buy a treadmill? Yes. Bought her a gym membership and swimming pool pass? Also yes. So where, may I ask, is the result? Wheres that goddess that my Susan was twenty years ago?
Sue, whats your day looking like? asked Alex.
Well, Im seeing clients in the morning, then gym, then picking up Michael, then I need to cook dinner. Why?
Oh, just wondering, Alex replied, pretending nonchalance. Though privately he thought: well, she is actually going to the gym. Maybe its not all downhill yet; maybe in some months shell finally shed those extra pounds.
After breakfast, Alex, as he did every morning, got dressed and headed outside to his battered old car. He did everything by rote, but today today, he looked at the car with new eyes and realised with a sinking feeling: it really needed replacing. Or maybe he ought to sell it and start taking the bus. Then he looked down at his shoesscuffedand his trousersancientand sighed deeply; his outfit was as old and tired as his car.
Mood: thoroughly ruined.
So, what was left to do? He slid behind the wheel and drove to work.
At work, Alexs irritation grew. Management had asked everyone to come in on Saturday. Naturally, unpaid. Colleagues were whispering about layoffs, especially for anyone nearing retirement age.
Its ages until Im retired, Alex waved dismissively.
But youre forty, mate. That’s serious, that is! his colleague replied, deadpan.
Great. As if he needed reminding he was over forty. He was a reliable employee, always did his job honestly, but hed been there ten years and not once had his salary gone up. Not even a well done certificate. And really, forget the money and certificatesit would be nice to just hear thank you.
Alex tried to focus, but all he felt was resistance. His work suddenly seemed trivial and pathetic.
Did I dream of this as a kid? Alex wondered. He answered himself: absolutely not. He’d wanted to work with wood, build furniture with his own hands, bring some happiness to people. But his mum had said that was nonsense and sent him off to study accountancy.
And now he was sat on a creaking office chair in a company hed given a decade of his life, and could clearly see hed botched it: job he didnt like, a perpetually annoyed wife, and a teenage son who treated him like an old slipper. And the lad’s rightwhats there to admire? Accomplished absolutely nothing. Just another Mr. Average. Nothing special, nothing proud, and worst, no happiness. Was it all for nothing? Really?
..
One day, then another, and another. Nothing brightened Alexs mood.
Maybe I should ring Tony and go for a pint? Or a bit of fishing? Or just a bog-standard barbecue?
Hed pick up his phone, then get overwhelmed by gloom and set it aside, staring again at the spreadsheets on the screen.
Alex, Ive heard youre the best analyst in the department, said Anna, the bosss secretary, suddenly materialising at his desk. She fluttered her eyelashes, smiled sweetly, her hands folded imploringly. Alex felt oddly heroic, ready to leap up and save her from any office chaos, ready to do whatever she wanted.
So, Anna, what do you need? Alex asked.
He listened to her explain at great length, did what she asked in five minutes, then endured a fresh round of syrupy thanks.
Anna, how about a coffee at the café? suggested Alex, surprised at his own cheek.
Love to! Anna cooed, throwing Alex a dazzling, hope-filled smile. Just pop by when youre done.
She left, shooting him an air-kiss from the doorway.
Saying Alex was shocked would be an understatement. He was utterly stunned. Him? The bloke with the ancient car and five-year-old suit, champion of moaning about the price of teabagshe was appealing to a young, pretty woman? Well, theres a turn up.
Naturally, when the clock hit six, Alex dashed to meet Anna.
Anna, here I am! he grinned.
Perfect timing. Im ready.
Anna grabbed her bag, and off they went. They bought some coffee, and Anna did her best to play the part of a worldly-wise girl. As for Alex? He was bored stiff. Within half an hour, he realised they had precisely nothing to talk about and looked for a polite excuse to escape home.
You know why I like you? Anna asked suddenly.
No, why? Alex was honestly curiouswhat could she possibly find interesting in a man nearly twenty years older than herself?
Because I can actually talk to you, Anna grinned, and Alex almost burst out laughing. Talk to him? She could barely string a conversation past coffee machines and the printer.
Anna, thanks for a lovely evening. Let me walk you home, Alex said. He did just thatno funny business, no awkward doorstep moments. Dull! The whole thing was dull. He could imagine exactly where it would lead, and the prospect didnt even jangle his nerves.
Driving home, Alex thought: Im definitely in the wrong line of work. And then of course, the self-pity began, and he arrived home thoroughly miserable.
Where were you? his wife asked. I thought youd be in early tonight and give me a hand.
In what sense, help you? Why should I? I do actually work as well, you know! Alex shrugged.
And then he saw the corners of Sues mouth twitch downwards; she gave a small sob, turned sharply, and marched off towards the bedroom.
Sue?!
Was his Susan actually crying? That had never, ever happened. She was always the optimist, always cheered everyone up. What had happened today?
Sue! Whats wrong?
Of course Alex followed her.
Everything! Thats what! You dont care about me, you dont care about the kids. You dont care what happens in this house. I tell you what needs doing, you promise, but never actually do it. I had to take Michael for his blood test today, you promised youd come, because I cant get him near a nurses needle by myself. Hes terrified, Alex! But you didnt show up. Yet again, you let us down
Sue, its really not such a big deal Alex began.
It is a big deal. Its about how your child feels and what hes afraid of. Whats wrong with you, Alex?
Im sorry. Im at fault.
And Alex felt even worse.
And by the way, I work too, Sue added. And as well as my job, Im stuck with the entire house, and you somehow assume its all my job. Its about time we reviewed our whole life!
Are you two having a row? asked their eldest, Andrew, popping his head in.
Its fine, Alex assured him.
Andrew eyed both parents warily and closed the bedroom door behind him.
Sue Im just tired, you know? Tired of everything
Tired of us, you mean?
Not exactly. Just everything, I suppose. I
Sorry, Alex, but if youre this fed up, find the strength to change things. I wont stop you.
Sue didnt wait to hear whatever excuses Alex was about to mumble. She simply left and went to join the kids. Alex listened to the happy sounds of a family game in the living room and gave a bitter laugh: Sue could always connect with the children, but hehe just couldnt.
Alex woke at three in the morning, tossed and turned, and realised hed never get back to sleep. So he got up, trod laps round the kitchen like a bear in a cage.
Sues right. Absolutely, completely right. If you dont like your life, then its up to you to change it.
But what to do? Divorce? That was his first idea, naturally. Shes the problem, isnt she? Just get divorced and a fabulous, carefree new life would begin. He tried to picture it but then realisedwithout Sue and the kids, he didnt want that life at all. And, truth be told, she wasnt the problem. He was.
So what if Sue had put on a bit of weight? She was still his Sue, the girl hed fallen head over heels for at first sight.
And the kids? They were his life. So Andrew didnt listenteenagers rarely do. Sometimes, maybe, its good not to listen to your parents.
So what was left to change? What?
Thats when the penny dropped: it was the job that needed to go.
.
What do you mean, you quit? Sue stared at Alex in disbelief.
I just did Went in, handed in my notice. Thats it. Alex shrugged.
And what did your boss sayanything, or just sign it and wave you off?
You wont believe ithe practically begged me to stay and even offered a pay rise. Incredible. All those times I asked for a raise, hed just make a joke of it, but the moment I hand in a notice, suddenly its possible! Typical.
Alex watched as Sue smiled at him.
Arent you scared? Theres a whole family depending on you.
I wish I could say I wasnt, but yeah. Im scared, Sue.
Hey! Were all here for you. We believe in youeven now; we always will.
Sue looked at Alex with the same kind eyes that always managed to give him the confidence to take on the world.
Did he really consider divorce? Over what? Some extra weight? She didnt have anything extra at all!
So, what do you want to do now? Sue asked.
Well, I want to make furniture. Ive got these great designs in mindperfect for smallish flats. Shall I show you?
Sue nodded. Alex rummaged for his sketches, thinking to himself that theres only one life, and youve got to spend it doing what you love.
